What’s in the Hole?

HHP: Hello Wyrmlings and welcome to another episode of Love in the Hole: Will They Find the One Or Will The One Find Them? I’m your co-host, interior designer, and intrepid shuttle pilot into this perpetual night, H.H. Pak… 

TT: … and I’m Tia Tashiro, fellow cohost, engineer of the central ship Aphrodeity, and your interim head janitor. For those of you sending well-wishes to Jerome after the shower incident, rest assured he’s receiving elite care at a hospital in the last system and is currently in contact with a union rep.

HH: We appreciate our crew!

TT: And we didn’t realize the plumbing could do that!

HHP & TT: Today we’ll be taking another journey into the mysteries of romance with our tenacious cast of singles. 

HHP: Last episode, Oliver finally gathered the courage to confess his ardent feelings to Adam in the privacy of a duopod, but moments later both of them took an unfortunate detour into the Mneme Flux and completely forgot they were ever sentient beings at all! Big whoops there folks!

TT: What a bummer!

HHP: Hopefully the rest of our cast makes sure to update their Navicues before making any more heated confessions! Speaking of the temperature, we’ve had a whiff of summer in the Passion Shuttle after a convenient malfunction in our reactor core! And I say convenient because our singles sure seem to be finding convenient ways to shed their layers to beat the heat—oxygenated suits and all. You’ll want to stay tuned folks, looks like we’ll be getting some skin action on camera. As well as some inevitable asphyxiation. Parents beware, viewer discretion advised!

TT: For legal purposes, we take safety regulations very seriously on the Aphrodeity and all shuttles affiliated with or subsidiary to Love in the Hole. Disclaimers aside, it’s not just sunshine, roses, and potentially fatal mechanical failure for you this episode. You’re in for a real treat with a follow-up to last episode’s dramatic showdown, when Janet caught Madder locking lips with her clone in the Solitude Suite!

HHP: Gasp, Tia! Guess it wasn’t as private as they hoped!

TT: Gasp indeed, H.H.! What’s more, Madder claimed not to know Janet’s clone had joined the show two episodes ago, so they’re in for a real treat when our special guest star arrives for this episode—that’s right, get ready for the long awaited appearance of Janet’s clone’s clone! You know what they say: two clones is better than one.

HHP: I say that all the time! Last but not least, in this episode, you lucky viewers will finally get to learn the thrilling conclusion to Iris and Ched’s happily ever after. Remember them? The soon-to-be couple we sent to the Oyt Cloud Nebula in their Confession Pod one season ago, whereupon we completely lost their signal?

TT: I sure do! Who can forget a cliffhanger like that, amiright?

HH: Well, my dear cohost, you and our audience are in luck because they’re back! And it seems like they’ve certainly made some drastic changes physically, as well as cosmically. I once heard that the couples who grow together stay together—but I’ve never heard anything about couples growing into each other. Does this transformation portend renewed passions for our returning couple? Or have they shed all traces of their past identities, including past feelings?

TT: Who’s to say?

HH: Only The One, the All-Seeing, the All-Knowing, the Great Matchmaker, who lies at the center of this galaxy pulling us incrementally into its hunger, could possibly know how it’s going to turn out for all those seeking love in our home away from home. 

TT: The One hungers.

HHP: The One hungers.

TT: And with that, we bring you to a live feed inside the Aphrodeity!

HHP & TT: All hail The One, and happy viewing! 

Tia Tashiro & H.H. Pak / January 2026 Editors in Chief / Paris, France & Los Angeles, CA

Recs & Reviews

Tia recs…

• The Crying Bride

  ^{Carrie Laben, The Dark. 2020. 4.1k.}

  The atmosphere in this story is chef’s kiss excellent, but the real highlight is everything it says without saying, dancing around the hard-hitting moments in a way that makes them feel Real, with more gravity for it. Never thought “closing a garage door” would be a holy shit moment. (And if you want to see why, give this haunting story a read!)

H.H. recs…

• Jennifer’s Daughter

  ^{Sara S. Messenger, Nightmare Magazine, 2026. 8.1k.}

  “Hark, nepotism!” you cry, as you notice this particular title is authored by none other than our ex-Wyrm, Sara. Well, fine. Lead me out in chains, but I will still rec this story to the high heavens. It has rattled in my brain since 2024, and now that it’s out I am shaking the general public by its shoulders and begging y’all to read it so I will not be alone haunted by this arresting tale of motherhood as monsterhood, of Gothic Floridian swamps, of familial trauma cycles and entrapment, of pure love in its hideousness. The brainwyrms were inflicted on me eons ago and now I’m inflicting them on you, hah!

Iz recs…

• The Future is Blue

  ^{Catherynne M. Valente, Clarkesworld, 2019. Drowned Worlds, 2016. 8.4k}

  Admittedly, I've been slacking on my current short fiction reading on account of "I had a zillion things I had to write," so have one of my old favorites. Cat Valente uses words in this one in truly some new ways, and it was one of the things I read as a teenager that made me think that Short Fiction Was Cool Actually. Anyway, this is about living in garbagetown.

Tina recs…

• House of the Hidden Moon

  ^{Sam W. Pisciotta, Nightmare Magazine, 2024. 3.2k.}

  Family tragedy, faeries, and ghosts galore haunt the hero of this story. Read for all the feels!

Carolyn recs…

• Yours Truly, Adonis

  ^{Sophie Kemp, The Baffler. 2022. 5.2k.}

  I adore everything Sophie Kemp writes, and this story is no different. Starring a troop of young, impressionable Adonises who are bred (engineered) to become the perfect Mall Greeting Boys, this piece of bio-corporate dystopia is sharp, uncanny, fascinating, and frequently hilarious to read. If you like this, go read her book “Paradise Logic” too. The cover (the one with Shia La Beouf) should sell you immediately.

The Best of January Cover Art

February Riddle of the Month

Good Moomin(s) of the Month

Interviewing: Dr. Alex Lance

And Ms. Trisha Abernathy

Interviewing: Both Dr. Alex Lance and Ms. Trisha Abernathy

A Professional Very On-Topic Interview About Love

Presented by Tia Tashiro and H.H. Pak

We are very pleased to present, for our first ever double trouble co-editor issue, an interview with Dr. Alex Lance, a leading expert in the cultural history of romance. Given that it’s our February issue and Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, we decided to stay on theme with romance and invite Dr. Lance to give a brief lecture on an on-theme topic of her choosing. Welcome, Dr. Lance! The floor is yours.

Thanks so much for having me, it’s a delight to be here! Please feel free to step in with any questions you might have. So, I’ve chosen to discuss a journal article published in Nature Human Behavior by Baumard et al. in 2022. The paper is entitled “The cultural evolution of love in literary history,” and it’s about a truly fascinating phenomenon that has arisen across cultures: namely, that economic development in a society is associated with an increase in romantic elements in that society’s literature. Not only that, but there’s evidence that the economic impact on romantic love in literature is actually causal. The authors complete an excellent historical analysis, but to keep it to a summary for you, a high frequency of love stories like Tristan and Iseult or Khosrow and Shirin seems to be caused by strong economic development. In fact–

Excuse us, Dr. Lance, one question!

Oh, of course! Please, be my guest.

We just wanted to ask, since you’re so well-versed in a multitude of love stories, how you suggest any prospective lovebirds out there go about finding their happily ever afters?  

I’m sorry?

What do you believe is the key to a happy relationship?  

Oh, my apologies. I’d assumed you wanted to know more about the historical incidence of Tristan and Iseult or the impact of the adoption of the heavy plough on literary roman–

Just the key to a happy relationship, please.

Well… I suppose most would say the key to a happy relationship is communication. Appropriate communication regarding expectations, for example. And avoiding interruptions is also highly recommend–

Well that all sounds pretty silly. And wrong. Definitely wrong. 

Excuse me? Who are you?

Ah, Trisha! We thought you said you couldn’t make it today?

I had a cancellation this afternoon so I thought I’d stop by and do the interview. I hope that’s fine with you. Jupiter said it would be. Or at least, its placement in the sky relative to Venus. 

Of course it is. Folks, it seems we have another guest joining us today. Trisha Abernathy is a world renowned spiritualist, well known for her remarkably accurate couple readings and uncanny insight into the realm of romance. On top of her numerous reality television and podcast appearances, she also runs a successful online consultation business as well as a physical storefront in Silver Lake, California, offering everything from horoscopes to tarot card readings. Dr. Lance, we hope you don’t mind sharing this interview space with another expert? 

Well, I must say I was under the impression this would be more of a solo TED Talk-style lecture on my area of expertise and am undoubtedly surprised to be joined by… did you say tarot???

Anyways, to answer your question, in my professional opinion I’d have to say that star chart compatibility is easily the best indicator of a long term happy relationship. I once had a client come to me, boohooing it up in my parlor over a spat with some two-bit fiance, only to tell me that he was a Gemini! A Gemini! And her being a Scorpio with a rising Cancer moon? Honey, they were destined for disaster. Didn’t help much that they got engaged while Mercury was in retrograde. That kind of an omen could make an adulterer out of an albatross, and they mate for life! 

Mercury—What—Why does she have a printed nametag? Wait, is this the reason you reached out to me so last-min–

Well, it seems we’ve got two equally informative answers to our first question! What a pleasure it is to have both of you here today. For our second question, and here’s a bit of a fun one, can you tell us about a time when you personally had to apply your own professional expertise to a relationship? Dr. Lance?

I’m sorry if I appear a bit flustered, I simply wasn’t prepared for this kind of–

Casual conversation? That’s no wonder. I mean yikes, I could lay siege to a castle keep with the spear up your ass. 

Excuse me? Insults notwithstanding, Is that kind of language acceptable during the interview? Talking about my– 

I mean no offense sweetums, it is a very nice ass. I’m more concerned about the ramrod spine attached to it. Let me guess—the only relationships you’ve ever had sparked because the other party initiated the first move, likely after months of passive aggressive missionary flirting. Hmm, I’m sensing something under the radar in a strictly professional setting—perhaps a colleagues-with-benefits type sitch before one of you—and I’m not pointing fingers here—grew more codependent than initially calculated and failed to communicate your needs adequately before things fizzled into a bittersweet and rather awkward memory. It’s all in your posture, I’m afraid. 

Spoken with such confidence! What a treat folks, we were just lucky enough to witness a live reading! Dr. Lance, may we please inquire into the accuracy of this assessment?

That has no basis in reality. For your information, I’ve had several fulfilling relationships, and one of them was with an athletic trainer whom I met under extremely normal circumstances. Though I can’t say I’ve ever had to personally apply my professional expertise to a relationship. It’s not exactly the kind of field that lends itself to practical application, though you should hear the comments I get about the Kama Sutra as a historical expert on romance in literat–

Janet.

What?

That was her name, yes? Janet. And no, she was not an athletic trainer, but she was rather into fitness. Are you trying to impress our lovely interviewers by stretching the truth? I do get the appeal but personally I’ve always found something wishy-washy about the muscled arm candy trend of the past few centuries. It’s quite primeval, and I should know. 

Oh, I get it. Did some cyberstalking before you came to the show, I suppose? Concluding from your own research with whom I’ve had dalliances in the past so you can pretend you’re divining the academic’s clandestine trysts? Oh. Oh ho. Well! I’ll tell you something, Trisha Abernathy. I am not at all ashamed of those with whom I’ve shared amorous pursuits. I’d like to see you land a relationship with a woman who can deadlift you without breaking a sweat. You mock me, but do you think you’d rate Janet? She’s out of your league, Ms. Abernathy. Ha! I daresay not many sapient beings on this Earth would put up with your arrogance, not to mention your so-called prescience. You tell me, if you know so much, how you ever got yourself a date that didn’t want to strangle you with your own horoscope, huh? How did your professional expertise help you land a fish who didn’t find the sound of your voice about as romantic as a chainsaw in a nurser–

To answer our interviewer’s question as well as yours, I hope it doesn’t come as a disappointment when I say I have never been in a relationship myself. 

That does come as a surprise indeed!

It’s not a secret, I make sure to inform all my clients before giving them any kind of advice. I’d hate to mislead anyone: the universe is the expert and I’m just its humble messenger. I have never myself been in a relationship. Blood pacts? Yes. Oathbound devotions? Many. A moonlit romp here and there, but purely metaphysical, nothing romantic. Well. I did share a living space with a soul once in a situation that maybe wasn’t entirely platonic—but he was haunting my basement and I can’t tolerate squatters. 

How fascinating! Moving on—

She’s never been in a relationship and she goes so far as to call herself an expert on–

—Dr. Lance, please. We can’t stand being interrupted. Now, as we were saying, with online meet-cutes becoming so popular, and the world getting more interconnected by the day, how do you foresee the future of dating in our modern culture? 

Why don’t we let the resident psychic foresee this one.

Gladly. And not to overcorrect, but I’d like to note that I am incapable of “foreseeing” anything. 

Aha! See—

I merely astrally traverse the river of potential timelines and draw observations from where the currents are strongest. 

What a prepos—

Silence please. I need to concentrate. Hm. Ah. See, this is where it gets tricky. “Dating,” as you call it, is so artificial, so ephemeral, as is the societal miasma we call “culture.” No one timeline is clearer than the next. I see possibilities where the spectacle exacerbates tenfold—I see intimate rituals commodified, televised for the masses across thousands of star systems. I also see a world where romance no longer exists, deemed unnecessary, quashed into a dream of a free-thinking past. I also see futures where nothing’s changed. Huh. It’s still swipe left. 

As informative as this is, we were wondering if you had any more tangible predictions for our subscribers? 

Alright then. If you were born on a rainy day, you will meet a lover by the next new moon who will ask you to make a hard sacrifice. Be wise. If you have a freckle under your left armpit, now is a good time for you to enter new relationships. If your name is Derek, don’t take them out to that seafood restaurant. They have a shellfish allergy but they’re too polite to say no. And of course, everyone seeking true love should be wary of those who discuss finances before getting to know you as a person. 

Oh, ha, ha. You mean gold diggers? Marrying up? Or is that too cynical for your mystical love B.S.?

Not at all. I’m referencing the research you cited at the beginning of this interview. Baumard et al., 2022?

… Baumard et al.?

Of course. It’s a doozy, isn’t it? Almost as good as the paper you’re working on now, that one you’ve got under review. About depictions of queer relationships through historical literature, right? A continuation of some of your prior work?

Well… yes. You’ve read my papers?

Are we mere dust motes veering helplessly into the collapsing entropy of the cosmos? Of course. I’m an expert, as are you. Experts stay informed on the work of other experts.

You consider me an expert?

Oh, don’t go cutting a slice of humble pie now. I’ve been around the block enough times to know that humans are capable of being both academic geniuses and pretentious stick-in-the-muds. You’re living proof of that.

Unsurprising you’d resort to schoolyard taunts, but… I accept the compliment. Though how you knew about that unpublished paper… Wait. Wait just a second. 

Ah, you can almost hear the gears turning. 

Trisha… you weren’t in the studio when we spoke about Baumard et al.—I saw you walk in afterwards. And this interview isn’t being live broadcasted. And Janet, and my paper… how did you know?

Darling doll, did you really think I was bluffing this entire time? And by the way, I don’t dillydally with social media. Cyberstalking? Hah! You think about Janet a lot for someone who claims to be over her. Speaking of which, you should give her a call. 

What?

The spring equinox is coming up. Always a good time to get some closure. I even see a possibility where you two work it out. So long as you stand up for yourself and stop letting people talk all over you.

You mean walk all over me?

That, too.

This is crazy. You’re actually a real–

Well now, we’re just about ready to–

I was not finished speaking.

Yes! Just like that. Assert yourself. You may be a Virgo, but you’ve got potential. And hey, if the whole Janet thing doesn’t work out, I’ll call you. It just so happens that I have a freckle under my left armpit.

Oh uh—oh. Oh I see. I could give you my number…

You think I need it?

Hah. I suppose you don’t. 

Thank you two very much for your presence here today. We didn’t quite get through as many questions as we had hoped—but it looks like we are just out of time. 

Time is relative.

Took the words right out of my mouth, professor.

A parting song from the Editors…

This is a Love Song: Rebecca Sugar

That’s it! That’s all we got! If you liked our stuff a HOLE lot, share us with a friend! Stay safe and warm, wyrmlings!